The Restaurant Bit

Another good piece that I cut loose:

HART
How was work?

PAULIE
It was crap. Jehovah's Witnesses are the cheapest people ever.

HART
Please not this again.

PAULIE
No, no, let me finish. Everyone says Jews are cheap, and that Indians are cheap, and, okay, yeah, sure, you know what? They are. But Jehovah's Witnesses? Make them all seem as frugal as Paris Hilton!

HART
I can't take you anywhere.

PAULIE
I'm serious! The cheap bastards don't want to pay for room service, and they don't want to pay the tip at the restaurant, so they all come down at once and line up to order their meals to go. All at once. The kitchen was total chaos!

SKIP
Paulie, you are like the klutziest person I ever met. How do you even work in a kitchen without falling onto the knife rack or landing face first in a burner or something?

PAULIE
In the kitchen I am as graceful as the majestic swan.

(He attempts a pirouette and knocks something else over.)