Me And Food

My mom became diabetic when I was like five or so, so all of a sudden
all the house foods became super boring. Like, Honey Nut Cheerios was the wildest cereal we ever got. Oh, and Cinnamon Life -- both of which I like, but I never got to have the kids-eating-awful-kid-cereal-when-they're-kids experience. We got like Total and shit. And Common Sense Oat Bran, which looked and tasted like twigs from the backyard. Mmmmmmm. Then I got put on the intestinal colic diet, and then on the low cholesterol diet, and each time the food got even more boring. I reacted by, the moment I hit 18 and started buying my own food, descending into a never-ending spiral of beef jerky and Froot Loops.

I did it in reverse: everyone else got to eat nasty disgusting but fun foods when they were kids, then they grow up and start going on the Atkins diet or whatever. I on the other hand had a very healthy childhood, but will spend the rest of my life eating junk. Which will undoubtedly shorten "the rest of my life," but fuck it, who wants to eat fucking Total cereal? And drink diet soda? When I go diabetic, I will lapse peacefully into a coma... PULL THE PLUG!