Saturday, June 21, 2014

On Hating Everyone

I hate everyone. But it's not that simple. I'm a complicated man (like John Shaft) so there are plenty of people for whom my emotions are more nuanced and detailed than just mere hate. I may love them too. Love and hate are not actually mutually exclusive. They often go hand in hand.

There's two kinds of reactions one gets when they say they hate everyone:

1. A shocked, hurt look. "Why... why do you hate me???" Obviously, I hate you because you ask dumb fucking questions like that. Okay? Now go slink into your sulk-hole and leave me alone.

2. A broad grin, possibly a thumbs up. "Oh, me too, me too! People fucking suck!" Me and this second stripe tend to get along famously. It's easier to love people that hate people. Is that irony, Alanis? You fucking moron?

The thing about hating everyone is that it's pure, and fair. Most people are very limited in their hate. They hate people of a different race, or a different sexual orientation. They hate people from different countries, or people who cheer for different sports franchises. They hate people with different politics or different religions. What a bunch of assholes. Hating everyone, on the other hand, is mathematically equivalent to loving everyone, and a fuck of lot easier to accomplish.

Loving everyone? Now that's hard. Because most people are stupid and annoying and entitled and helpless and rude and inconsiderate and thoughtless. If you can actually manage it, you might be an evolved soul like Jesus. Who was brutally killed. By people.

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