- Joe Budden
The truth? I consider myself to be a failure.
I do not consider myself to be a failure because I have failed by the standards of society -- the college degree, the prestigious career, the home in the suburbs with the 2.3 kids -- although I am certainly a resounding failure by any of those standards. I don't consider myself to be a failure by the standards of society because I do not consider the standards of society.
I consider myself a failure because I have also failed by my own standards. I have failed to actualize myself, I have failed to act on the things I have learned. I figured out that love is the answer, that perfect love casts out fear, but I prefer to shun love and remain enshrouded in the fear. I see the path I must take and I refuse it. Knowing as I do that I am the only person I can control, I do not control myself. I keep my head in the clouds of a future that does not exist. I tell myself that I am a prophet, that my function is to be the gadfly, the crazy old man in the church tower ringing the bells, John the Baptist to one who has yet to come. The truth is I am paralyzed by fear. I have failed to conquer myself through knowledge. I have failed to pursue other avenues to conquer myself. I have failed to forgive myself, to forgive others, for the wrongs that have been done to me or by me. I have failed to use my talents and knowledge to uplift humanity, using it instead to amuse myself. I have failed to keep my darker side in rein.
It does me no good to recognize that each one of you is also a failure by my standards.
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