Friday, November 11, 2016

Fuck Veterans

I've seen a lot of talk the last few days that the election results on Tuesday represent a defeat of the attitude of pervasive and suffocating political correctness. And you know what? Good. As someone who is willfully politically incorrect, as someone who tips over sacred cows like someone's paying me to do it, as someone who believes firmly that the more unpopular one's opinion is the more responsibility one has to voice it and voice it loudly, I'm glad that I can finally take the gloves off and stop worrying that my microaggressions might trigger someone in their safe space.

So today I'd like address one of the most pernicious and oft-repeated politically correct lies of our times, the mindless and irrational hero worship-slash-deification of those who serve in the armed forces. Today is Veteran's Day, and if you spend more than 30 seconds on social media today you will see everyone parroting the same pablum: "Thank you for your service!" "If it wasn't for our brave veterans we wouldn't be free!" "Today we honor the veterans who have fought for our country's freedom and peace" and so forth and so on. Normally I address this topic from a slightly different angle: that one's personal freedom is not actually contingent on military action, least of all in the United States where there has never been a credible (external) threat to our way of life. And I'd mention how the only force on this planet capable of denying U.S. citizens their freedom is the U.S. government, and as the armed forces are the hired thugs of said government their only possible relationship to our freedom can be neutral at best and adversarial at worst.

Today I'm taking a different, and simpler, tack: fuck veterans.

You know what? Fuck veterans. The work they did is worthless to everyone else and we're supposed to lick their shoes in gratitude. I'm sorry they put their lives on the line and some of them suffered terrible injuries or even died but all of that would be equally applicable to Hollywood stunt performers, and at least we get some cool movies out of their sacrifice. Veterans? Not so much. What makes them so goddamned special? They had a job to do -- for which they were paid, and out of our tax dollars no less -- and it is a job they volunteered for. (I am, of course, aware that there are still veterans alive today who were drafted, but I would consider "not working hard enough to dodge the draft" to be a form of volunteering for the sake of this argument.) So why do they get put on some pedestal? Because of their *ahem* "service?" That's a laugh. The same awful bag-of-shit people who undertip at the restaurant and curse out cashiers every week because they don't understand what a rebate is or how it works, these same bag-of-shit people would cross six lanes of traffic to ram their tongue up a soldier's anus and garble slurred words of thanks for the imaginary service they have provided. The treatment of actual service workers in this country is absolutely shameful -- even though the economy is now almost entirely propped up by service industries -- but these uniformed frauds can't get thanked enough for... for what? Because I see the gears turning in your head, and I smell the small tufts of smoke coming out of your ears, and I know you're all like B-B-B-BUT FREEDOM! And all that tells me is that you haven't been paying attention all the years I've tried to explain how the concept of freedom works, so I'm hardly about to try that again. I'm done with having a rational discussion where we logically examine the assumptions your beliefs are built on and discard them as they prove fallacious. It's too much work, and I don't have patience for you idiots and your programmed values anymore. Rather: Fuck veterans.

And yes. Yes. I get it. The soldiers don't realize that the service they are providing is entirely fraudulent and imaginary. They honestly believe that they are doing the right thing, they honestly believe they are providing some real and not made-up and absolutely crucial service to the American people. Fine. Turns out that "honest belief" and "actual fact" are NOT THE SAME THING! There was this lady in Texas that honestly believed that God ordered her to bash in her sons' heads with a large rock. And so she did. Does the fact that she "honestly believed" she was doing the right thing  mitigate the fact that she was not? Folks, there's not a lot of intentional evil in the world. Almost EVERYONE honestly believes that they're doing the right thing at any given moment, or at least the less wrong thing. I'm not concerned with intentionality or inner narrative. I am concerned with the facts. And the fact is that the only "service" soldiers provide is to war profiteers and the military-industrial complex. So I'm sorry that so many people who honestly believe that they are doing necessary and good work for the people suffer so badly and see such horrors because of their misconceptions. But should it earn them special consideration and idolization? Pity tinged with condescension would be more in line here. It's tragic how many of these dumb deluded kids waste their lives behind some made up shit because you idiots keep parroting the same tired old lines about freedom and honor and whatnot -- and parroting is the perfect term to use here because you fuckers only show the verbal comprehension a parrot might demonstrate, which is to say none -- making every last one of you idiots complicit in their tragedy.

So fuck veterans, fuck you for your unquestioning adoration of them and their imaginary service, and fuck my life because I'm stuck here on this planet with you goddamned robots. And have a happy Veterans Day.

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