Saturday, November 22, 2014

a pithy primer on perfunctory primate pack politics

I have a question. When gas is $4 everyone blames Obama, but now it's under 3 and shouldn't those same people be praising him? Since, like, they think he's in charge of making the prices or something.

@BDCThug (Twitter)

Well, you see, @BDCThug, you've made a common mistake. You are expecting there to be a consistent and rational line of thought behind the widespread Obama hatred. You are imagining, perhaps, civilized human beings, dressed in fine clothing adorned with pocket watch and cravat, reasonably discussing their beliefs.

Picture instead a group of rabid chimpanzees, beating their chests and flinging poo. The rational cerebrum that human beings possess is only used after the fact to justify this animalistic primate response, but it is not utilized to the point where they might realize how irrational and inconsistent they are, because then their entire belief bubble would pop.

This is not to say that there are not a host of perfectly good, valid and rational reasons to criticize and mistrust Obama -- in fact, many of them would apply straight across the board to ANY U.S. president -- but rather that most people seem to find it nigh impossible to articulate any of them, choosing instead to parrot whatever talking points the television has spoon-fed them this week.

So, when Barack Obama saluted the troops while holding a coffee, THIS MARXIST MUSLIM HAS NO RESPECT FOR OUR HEROES, but when George W. Bush saluted the troops while holding a dog, HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE PRESIDENT?!?! HES A GOOD AMURCAN!!! USA! USA!

How does this relate to the price of gas? Well, when the price of gas went up, the television told the people that Barack Obama must be to blame, and so by gum he was to blame. Then when the price of gas went down, the television had moved on to a completely different and unrelated reason to hate Obama, and the people (who have the collective memory span of a hummingbird on methamphetamines) certainly would never remember to make that connection themselves.